can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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