The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
