he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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