So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
