I smell stomach acid.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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