So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
