Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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