Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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