he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
