The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
