big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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