He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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