Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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