My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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