just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i love accidental penises.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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