What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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