It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
