I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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