it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
