Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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