omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize