i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
