We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
