Don't you send me to vm
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
