omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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