Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
