Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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