I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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