I just threw up on my dentist
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
