They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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