I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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