I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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