Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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