i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
