she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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