A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
