I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
