Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
