Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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