it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Randomize
