Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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