I accidentally burped into my bong.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
