I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
