I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
