Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
