I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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