I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka?
Forever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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