oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
