Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
