He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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