yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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