The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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