I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
