His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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