In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
