We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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