So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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