Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
