all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
