Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize