Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
tell your sister to shave her snatch
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
