I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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