you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
