And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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