why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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