Tell her she can't have a vagina
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
