I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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