All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
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I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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