Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
