8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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