I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
