I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
‪So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?‬
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
