Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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