Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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