The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
FUCK WHALES
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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