where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
